I was honestly gonna post some bright picture of something really cool and talk about how awesome life is or something, but I decided against that because really, I don’t feel that way right now.
Yes, I’m tired. And maybe a little cranky. The air conditioning won’t turn on so I’m sweaty and hot and literally don’t want to do anything at all. I’m so ready to curl up in bed and sleep forever.
I read somewhere (don’t even remember where) that a lot of the time people will post super happy pics of themselves or something else on social media and caption it “Life is so good!” or something of the sort, but on the inside they’re really hurting and thinking the opposite.
And ya know what, it’s okay not to be okay. It’s okay to let people see that you’re not okay, and let them know that you’re not. I’m tired of wearing a mask for other people. I want to be me – whether I’m doing great and all put together or I’m at my lowest and looking like I just got out of bed.
That was an Instagram post I published on June 29th this year. I was seriously sleep deprived and depressed, and the hot and sweaty day wasn’t making things better.
i wasn’t okay.
and that’s okay.
I used to always think that, at least to the outside world, I had to be okay. And even if I wasn’t, I thought that I had to act like I was okay (AKA: lying).
I remember one time when I was probably 9 or 10 years old, and I had been having a horrible morning so far. I won’t explain it, but things were really down in the dumps. And it was only 9AM.
We left the house, because it was Friday which meant homeschool co-op, and I remember sobbing in the car uncontrollably because I was so lost and hurting. I remember hurriedly wiping my face with my sleeve as we pulled into the church parking lot, taking a deep breath, and bouncing into class like I had not a care in the world.
But when I left and went home, the dark cloud looming over me that I had hidden from other people came right back.
And I continued the same routine, every time I went somewhere. Every time we had guests over at the house. Every time someone asked, I replied chirpily with a smile, “Oh, yeah, I’m great!”
It’s funny how easy it is to be two people. And being two different people all the time, one who was “okay” according to our culture and one who was the exact opposite eventually resulted in anxiety, depression, and some suicidal and self-harmful thoughts in the long run.
It was the day that I wrote that Instagram post that I realized that it’s okay not to be okay.
We’re human. We’re not perfect. No matter what, we should never have to “fake it” just so people think we’re “okay”.
No, we’re not okay, but God is. He’s Almighty, perfect, and the beautiful solution to all of our problems. We need to stop trying to hide behind our masks and cry out to God when we need Him.
it’s okay not to be okay.
When you think about putting on a mask to hide your feelings, don’t. Let it show. Because, people will help, I assure you. God will help, if you ask Him and let Him.
Tell someone you trust that you’re not okay. You mom, your best friend, a sibling, or maybe your youth pastor. And if you can’t find anyone, email me (firstname.lastname@example.org) and I will listen and try to help you the best that I can.
Don’t be ashamed, don’t hide it. Look for help, and it will come.
Love you, girls. 😘